Living Life To It's Fullest...
I mention in my "About Me" profile located on the sidewall of this blog, that I am a people pleaser by nature. This is so true. What motives cause one to be like this. I think life baggage is a culprit. Baggage like:
- Approval Addiction caused from being ridiculed in life
- Fear of Abandonment caused from loss of loved ones through divorce, death and other ways
- Rejection and hurt in general caused by those of us who experienced the "clickish clan" of life, leaving us with a feeling that we weren't good enough or that we didn't make it on their....."A" List of friends
- Self Absorption leading to a "What about me?" mentality. Many try to build a different image as a result of not feeling accepted for who you really are.
Truth is these 'causes' are actually just part of life...all of us will have some experience like this and have to learn how to cope. How we cope and move forward truly shows what we're made of.
Is There A Problem?
In my humble opinion,
(I know you didn't ask for my opinion, however you're choosing to read the blog)
A problem seems to be that many of us have not learned how to cope and deal with life, and instead, we begin to build walls of protection in defense. Maybe...Walls of Protection can be a coping mechanism and reaction, but not the best solution?
In my life, I'm convinced...
Walls of Protection cause an adverse affect on our character, and ultimately our relationships. (Thank God for tolerant friends :)
Maybe one's wall of protection takes the form of becoming defensive, callous, overbearing, and/or controlling. Another form seems to go the route of becoming self destructive in some sort of way "pointing the pain at ourselves", adding more pain in the end to what we're feeling to begin with. (Maybe we begin to seek approval from others by becoming "people pleasers")
Oddly enough if everyone is happy around me, then it is less stress for me, thus I find comfort and peace there. Problem is that you can't please everyone, thus this is an endless cyle of self infliction of pain and hurt in many ways, due to over expectation of others.
Seems like many who haven't learned to cope with life's challenging experiences or have decided it's too much to deal with seem to have a wall of protection that takes another form. Keep busy. The busier life is the better, their minds don't shut down, life stays busy, one project after another. Others may opt to turn to their drug of choice in the form such as nicotine, alcohol, or drugs to shut their minds down and relax.
In my life, my Wall of Protection goes from people pleasing resulting in hurt, to approval addiction resulting in more hurt and then anger, to finally lashing out verbally or disposing the relationship, and so on down the path of self destruction. I end up coping with life most by comfort eating, shopping, or another form which really doesn't solve my problem long term. Then I turn to my faith and for me life stabilizes and I am able to cope with negative experience once again...UNTIL I relax on that, and then it all creeps back in, like some kind of demon...arghhhh!
So What Are You Suggesting?
Well, I'm not suggesting that if you aren't coping well, you're not good at life!
I am only suggesting maybe, if we identify with any of these negative coping mechanisms, we need to take a deeper look at the cause, and embrace a healthier alternative beginning with possibly even the need to forgive ourselves and others that we may be holding back forgiveness of as well. Maybe this will open up a door that will ultimately lead to a healing process.
Just sayin-just thinkin
It's just me, Val
Caio!
A Lesson Learned the Hard Way
Here's a joke someone shared with me today...as funny as it is meant to be, this happens to us in real life...
we forget and end up on the wrong path because we just aren't getting it!
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience..
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift,
liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone
come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home,
she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
ambulance?"
God replies: "I didn't recognize you."
_____________________________________
MAYBE TIM MCGRAW CAPTURES WHAT I'M BEGINNING TO SEE AS A BETTER WAY TO LIVE...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiOcW_YR1G8
Live Like You Were Dying
By: Tim McGraw
He said I was in my early fourties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days lookin' at the x-rays
and talkin' 'bout the options
and talkin' bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in and
this might be the really real end
I said how's it hit ya
when you get that kinda news?
Man what'd ya do?
and he said
CHORUS
I went sky diving i went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds
on a bull named Fumanchu
And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said some day I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying
He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend
a friend would like to have
And all ‘a sudden going fishin'
Wasn't such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost
my dad
Well I finally read the good book
And I took a good long hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all
again…and then
I went sky diving i went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds
on a bull named Fumanchu
And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said some day I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying like tomorrow was a gift
and you got eternity to think about what'd you do with it.
what did you do with it.what did I do with it? what would I do with it?
Sky diving i went rocky mountain climbing
I went two point seven seconds
on a bull named Fumanchu
And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said some day I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying
