Relationships And The 2012 Election

Do you agree with the thought, if there was anything that could set off fireworks it's Politics, Religion and now Gender Rights, although we don't hear much on Male rights we sure are seeing bombshells fly when it comes to other's rights. (ha! bombshells, in the 50's that was the sign of a beautiful women, now a days women are aghast by any title like that, funny.)

What has happened to the U.S.A.?  It's sad, really no other word describes it for me.

I've never seen our nation more split.  I watch as friends post their take on the election from the conservatives and liberals to the moderates and libertarians.  The views are so diverse yet so narrow.
If you're a conservative then likely your moral values and faith along with your personal needs guide many of your issues and judgement.  If you're a liberal the opposite is true, OR they too have strong moral values for their own lives but believe that there is no purpose or right in imposing the way they choose to believe on others and so they advocate choice and freedoms BUT they do have a limit...the choice and freedom has to fall into their box of what is right or else it's not correct.  Another words the freedom to choose is conditional in an odd way, Hmmm...

I don't have a corner on what is right or wrong and I'm the last one who should be judging.  I do know that others think I'm over the top, and even use the terms naive' and ignorant when they see what I'm concerned with.  I have thought for a very long time there seems to be a double standard when it comes to the far left and the media. They seem to be more comfortable with bashing or pointing out where they feel the other side is wrong rather than sticking  to discussing solutions.  They likely feel the opposite is true and maybe they're right, this is just an observation.  And then there are the ones that believe there is a conspiracy out here and we're all wrong.  Ok then.

I know this blog will give me grief but good or bad it is what I feel.

I wish everyone would respect each other's views, stop spinning the truth and be willing to admit a wrong, or even a lie when it comes to their party of choice.  Oh they will call you out, correct you, and to be fair, you may even correct yourself, but the same doesn't seem to be reciprocated. No, in fact it just seems to then further the bashing and pointing out where you're wrong.  Do we take this so far as to damage friendships over it.  I've been reading more and more about this, and have seen it happen among friends as well.

Why can't everyone see the best in everyone, know there are two sides to every story and that noone is better or has the corner on what is right or wrong for the other?

My business is suffering under the current administration and that is going to influence my vote.  Another voter has health problems with no insurance and that is going to influence their vote.  Another voter lives an alternative lifestyle and that is going to influence their vote and so on...

We all have choices we need to consider and noone is going to be the perfect choice, just as noone has a guide on who the perfect choice is for anyone but themselves.  Many independents are without  an idea of who they are picking and are hoping the debates clear that up and help them to come to the best choice for themselves.

The arguing, bickering, meanspiritedness is crazy wild.  It doesn't matter if you made a choice to stick to your own point of communicating be it Facebook and your timeline or Twitter or even Pinterest.  Everyone is out to put down the views they don't agree with, or correct what they believe needs correction with or without all the facts.  It gets exhausting.

My hope is that after November 6th things will settle down and everyone will return to some form of normalcy however that won't happen without a determination to accept others views, they do have a right to them. Debating is a route to take but don't take it so far that it puts a wedge in your friendship and THINK before you speak or post or tweet.  Words can hurt and scar, is it really all worth it just to be right?  We're probably wrong if we think it is.

Monday is the last debate, then we have 2 weeks and 1 day left till the election...I hope and pray that America can accept the results no matter who wins and restore relationships that have been damaged through much of a political baiting carefully and strategically executed by party committees messaging, along with media trying to swing a bias view and causing havoc and conflict in relationships that get sucked up into it all.  I hope you're as tired of being a pawn to all of this as I am.  I pray you don't find this a sport or fun.

Anyone that thinks they're immune to it all, unless you have remained silent throughout these campaigns and been smart enough to stay out of it all, are denying they are also getting sucked into the political vacumn which is causing this mess.  We've all hurt someone through this and that isn't right, yes, that, is a definite, it isn't right.  Relationships are too important to allow your political views or your distaste with another's views to create wedges between you and another.  Maybe it's time we step back from the political ring and evaluate what's more important, getting your point of view across, bashing, trying to prove another wrong, or the relationship.

I'm banking on the good character of everyone and all the political broohaha will fade away for the sake of relationship.

It's just me, Val, (just sayin)!  Ciao'

"ALL ABOUT ME" DAY 3

HOLD ON FOR ONE MORE DAY...

Day 2 ended with some stress that was put on myself but as I do out of habit, I fell off and had a comfort snack and beverage moment last evening before crashing for the night.  Not terrible but broke my stride after just 48 hours on board.  So, get back on the horse, go another day and learn how to manage that stress, or guilt, or whatever takes you to that 'edge' and causes you to have a 'hiccup' in your progress.  It's not the end of the world, it's more a 'wake up' call that there are 'hiccups' in life that make you respond a certain way.  For me it is retreating to my 'comfort zone' and  while I know full well that is what I do in 'hiccups' I am going to have to experience it to overcome it, so I did and now I will find another way to manage that.  

I must say that as it was happening, I had a moment where my mind said "Val, go do the tredmill with some water"  And believe it or not, I really was motivated to do it for a moment too, but quickly talked myself out of it.  That is a hopeful sign for me, because now the next time this happens I know to move on the thought going through my head first, 'go do the tredmill'.  I'll be ready!

That to me is PROGRESS!

Day 3

Up at 6:15, training at 6:30 on the nose.  

Turned on my program and really got a "Pie in the Face" Revelation.  WOW!  But GREAT!

I am dealing with a scratchy throat today, stuffy head, and muscle aches but I am going to keep my 'sunnyside up' and move into my day with the faith that this too shall pass and I can make it through this day.

Today is Nov and Dec BDay Lunch with Consultants and I'm looking forward to that.  We're meeting at an Organic Mediterranean Restaurant called Nirvana's.  Awesome menu and a healthy lunch for sure.

Burned 315 calories this morning by the way and that brings my current calorie burn for the week to 945 calories with 3 more days to go.  While my core training burns this much in one hour, I am moving forward with progressive weight loss through home training, and then at a point where I am comfortable with the weight loss I have accomplished this way I will head back to Gabe to get to the Core of things once again.  I'm figuring likely January timeframe, giving me 5 weeks to do the first phase at home.  Gabe by the way is our trainer.  If anyone is interested in what he does and can do check out www.overcomeaverage.com, his own business located in Addison, Illinois.  (There you go Gabe, if you're reading a plug for you!)  I'm looking forward to getting back to him for that training, it's very hard but results oriented making you look your very best in a short time.

WHO KNEW?

So I'm training this morning and all of the sudden I hear on TV that we need to be prepared for God to work within us, before we reach our purpose, goals, and dreams!  Yes we need the vision, but guess what?  We may not be positioned to carry it out if we have junk inside of us.  For instance:  Using a habit of Comparing Yourself to others as a measure of your goodness, worthiness or trust worthiness...

They used the example found in John 21 where Peter is asked 3 times if he loves the Lord and Peter says, "Of course I do Lord, I love you more than anyone..."  Basically Peter is saying without saying "I'm better than other's"   Like noone could love the Lord more than he, can.  In a way he is drawing comparisons between he and the other disciples here.

I soon realized that I do that as well.  I draw comparisons, and reason out why I am different based on those comparisons all the time!  

Holy Schmoley...who knew?
So while I thought this "All About Me" moment might be a selfish moment, my revelation today is that it is a cleansing time for me to look at what I am all about, my motives, desires, and clean the junk out of me to truly be the best I can be, moving into a more humble spirit that is ready to move forward with a purpose!!!  I love it!


Just like the 'TREE' so are 'WE'  OR rather am "I"
The trees are full of beautiful foilage in summer which in fall lose all that beauty...outside beauty, that is made stronger for the next season with sap that is running through it when all we see are a bunch of branches.  In Spring once again the beauty, more full and lush returns ready to shade us and comfort us and remind us that God does take care of his creation.  So goes it with me.  I am in that 'sap' season and am being fed to be the best I can be.  These are the silent times when God gets to work on me so I can be what it is I need to be to make my dreams come true and give the glory back to Him!


Look out world...I have a dream!!!

It' just Val, Caio!

TURNING BACK THE HANDS OF TIME FOR GOOD REASON...

DID YOU TURN BACK YOUR CLOCK TODAY?

Hopefully you did and on time to not be late or miss important dates and events today.

Last week a friend of ours turned back her clock, only one week early.  She ended up being late for work, whoops!

But I am talking about something else today.  

I'm talking about...Turning Back the Hands of Time

If you're like me, you have many types of relationships: husband, kids, parents, grandparents, inlaws, then there are great friends, best friends, good friends, acquaintances, business relationships and of course neighbors. Oh I'm sure we could come up with many more like classmates, friends of friends, etc...


I'm one to speak out, mostly share my deepest feelings or opinions, hopefully it is received as being open and honest but if it seems bias, it's important to understand that I think out loud.  I tend to make statements that are thoughtful ones, not "oh how sweet" type of thoughtful ones but rather 'thinking as I am speaking and contemplating' thoughtful ones.  I hope I end all my thoughts in a manner that is respectful of everyone's feelings.  But I know for a fact that as I am 'thinking out loud' some listeners get defensive for their own feelings and opinions, as they think I am trying to force my opinion on them.  Not so...but I do understand.

I love debate and other's ideas. Often you have an exchange of ideas in a conversation, it can turn into a debate without trying.  But in the end it's important for me to share that I am an 'open thinker'.  Hopefully just saying that will help you understand I'm not forcefully projecting views that the listener better get or else, but rather sharing views of interest and  always hoping to have a "glass is half full" outcome accepted by others. I do get that sometimes you have to agree to disagree, but what I'm talking about today doesn't relate to that way of thinking...just sayin all this up front to set the stage of this blog.

I see the world through an 'Alice in Wonderland' view which can be thought of as quite naive by others, however I know better, it's just that I always 'hope' for more.  I want to believe the best, learn through experience that getting to the best isn't always pretty and many times comes with grieving, resentment, or other types of feelings associated with some of the realities that hit me from being this type of person.


Ok that was a MOUTHFUL!  My point?  I am sharing from my heart here, thinking out loud, my view, opinion, and otherwise that remain open and changeable, however I hope you as the reader and in this case listener will think, even out loud, and not with a 'glass is half empty, 'oh is she naive' mentality'.


My subject today?   
Friendship:Turning Back The Hands Of Time

You know our personal life cycles are not endless. We're not immortal. 

Life expentancy these days has increased due to medical and health breakthroughs, as well as lifestyle and life changing mindsets that we may embrace.  Our lives extend out much further than our former generations and I suspect it will only continue to improve.  BUT... 

Why is it, that we don't learn to appreciate some people,  I mean fully appreciate them, accepting them no matter what.

Why is it that we take others for granted or worse write the friendship off due to some hurt or discomfort, only to revisit the friendship if they have a life threatening experience, or are in the last season of life? 

Are we seeking to have friends that prove to not only have commonalities but can make us feel something we're missing, or validate what we want to believe about ourselves? 

I call this  selfishly demanding friendships.

SELFISHLY DEMANDING?  WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU SAYING NOW, VAL?

Whether we will admit this or not, friends, close or not,  hurt us, or bug us, or rub us the wrong way.  Most of the time they don't realize they do it, they don't do it intentionally, and possibly some baggage in their own lives may be a factor as to why they act out the way they do.  So why are we more tolerant for some and not for others?

No matter what friend category a friend falls into, if they happen to offend us in life we react in one of two ways: we give them a 'by'  for the incident, or we write them off.  Right?  

Am I a Conditional OR Unconditional Friend?

Think about it, some of us have friends that have been there in dark times and offend us and we forgive them for it.  And still other friends, that haven't been there for us through dark times when we felt they should of, offends us and we write them off immediately.  Yet they didn't do anything worse than the other friend BUT because they didn't come through for us when we felt they should of, they don't get the same 'by' or another words, forgiveness, if you'll have it.

Have we ever taken the time to think that maybe, just maybe, those people or friends, may have their own issues in life that keep them for being what we need them to be in order to be 'worthy' of our continued unconditional friendship?  No, not usually, more than usual, we look out for ourselves and likely that is just human nature.  Still this has been on my mind.  

Do we really try to understand the other person before letting that friendship go, or do we only see it through our own eyes and what we need in life, or don't need at this point, and is that wrong?

Remember, I am a people pleaser so I am always trying to keep everyone happy, thus when I have a friendship that changes course, or I see someone else with a friendship that changes course I start my analysis 'thingy' and mull it over forever....why, why, why?   (Someone once shared an invite to the "I hate people group", and we laughed but deep inside me I cringed and thought, I can't "hate" people, I just can't, I won't)

We have seasons throughout our life and in every season,  things, people, and places, come and go for a reason but we have to be OH SO CAREFUL not to fallback on this and use this as an excuse for letting go, just because. 

THE BITTERNESS and RESENTMENT HURT LEAVES BEHIND...

Hurt is a very damaging experience and it turns good people towards ugliness.  Believe me I catch that spirit in me from time to time and have to nip it in the bud right there or it will turn to bitterness and resentment, ultimately hardening my heart.  

Ugliness comes in many forms, but the foundation is all the same, unresolved hurt turned to bitterness and resentment.  You may be saying or thinking, 

"no Val, you are being too naive, and I don't agree"..."I have let go of friendships and it's not due to hurt but more just sick of the way the person acts"  

Well I challenge you to look introspectively and I'll bet in your core you'll find that the real issue is a hurt that is causing you to give up on that person, and unaddressed hurt driving a lack of tolerance.

THANK GOD FOR FORGIVING FRIENDS...

I happen to have many very forgiving friends.  How do I know?  Because they forgive me over and over again for my pitfalls, my blemishes, and they see the value in that for themselves.  Maybe they are even selfish in a good way because they get it!  They get how healing forgiveness is for themselves, more than for the one you're forgiving.  And I gotta tell you that for this type of friend, they don't require a condition of the offender to ask for forgiveness or say "I'm sorry", they just plain forgive.  This is so key to our own health!  No I'm not crazy, OR am I?

 

Is this a season change in my life...

It maybe just that, but it also may be a catalyst to a hardened heart grown from bitterness and resentment, a result of unresolved hurt and pain.

Unresolved hurt and pain can take on a form of bitterness and resentment, finally hardening your heart to the point of no return.  If we find ourselves saying

"I don't really care anymore" than likely we have the symptoms that a hardened heart is starting to grow or already exists.

We may think that tossing that friendship aside is the answer and cure all BUT actually it is the first step to heartsickness, a troubled heart, and that in the end will only hurt one person, ourselves.  We may think,  'that's not true, no it won't', "it's much better this way", "I don't have to deal with it anymore", "all the nonsense" etc...but truly at times all that nonsense gets to you because of deeper hurt and pain that has been left undealt with and doesn't necessarily have to have been caused by the friend you're tossing aside, or giving up on.

Heartsickness runs deep inside US and if we don't deal with feelings from hurt and pain, it can and will change our character in the end.  It can make a very empathetic and loving person, cold and callous, as they naturally use it as a form of protective defense, or better known as a 'wall'. 

 

  "...don't let your heart be troubled."  Maybe this statement has more meaning...it is so clear to me now that I have experienced this... a 'heart' can become sick, or 'hardened' and one of the ways this can happen is by tossing hurt and pain aside and moving on without resolve.  

We hate confrontation or worse yet, feel it will go nowhere and would be an exercise in futility because the other person won't listen or change.  Yet the very person that needs the resolve and to change more than anyone sometimes is US!  

Why?  So we don't get heartsick or grow hardened hearts out of bitterness and resentment that festers inside us.  It starts with as little as an  "I don't care anymore" mentality.

MORAL of THE BLOG...

So turn back the hands of time, remember the person in your best of times and forgive for YOU, not for them!   Don't ever settle for less than the best YOU can be!

Just sayin...

It's Just Val, Ciao!