Sunday, August 21, 2011
My Road Is Straight Ahead - So Why Did I Dream This?
This journey I'm on is all about a road to healthy living, with specific focus on lifestyle changes that promote healthy living and enjoyment in life.
I have a history of family life dysfunctionality just like 99% of anyone living on earth experiences. Nothing remarkable but enough to affect your view of life in a remarkable way. Several issues crossed my path while growing up; abandonment, divorce, poverty, single parenting, and loss, as well as allowing an oppressive spirit of low self esteem to take over until I recovered.
I found my sweet spot in recovery by digging into my faith and focusing on understanding 'me' and what made 'me' happy. It was simple, I wanted the best things in life that 'can't' be bought. Those things like a close and well connected family with a strong value for relationship. Creativity is also something I have fun with and tap into. Writing and blogging are my new hobbies that help me to express myself and work through the deepest darkest feelings so I always stay in a healthy frame of mind.
I've done counseling for years and am a big believer in the benefits of such an experience. Now by myself I do self analysis (looking at the man in the mirror and being honest), couch therapy and journal to stay mindfully healthy.
One experience that dealt it's hand on my life growing up was abandonment. I worked through the bad affects of that by using all of the above methods and thought I had it licked. I don't need to detail this but suffice it to say, it involved a 4 day period of time, my mom, me, and good neighbors. In brief the event went something like this: Divorced single parent, feeling limited by responsibilities, escapes for short period of time to experience a level of singleness with no responsibility leaving a 12 year old behind to fence for themselves. Today this scenario would be cause to call in child welfare, but in the 60's this was not something that was protected to the extent it is today. Abandonment and fear were left in the aftermath.
So, I worked through it all. I have for years been free of any of that event and the experiences affecting me to any extent that couldn't be managed. Following all of that my mom died, 26 years ago.
Why then did I just last night dream of her missing in action and me as an adult in panic mode, and in my dream having an actual sense of what the outcome would be, like I was this adult, looking into a child's world and knowing what was going through that child's head. Why in the world would I dream this 44 years later? Maybe some form of closure? Who knows.
Just 'wowed' by this dream and had to get it out here for comment. I know it's crazy, right? Feel free to give your opinion.
It's just me, Val. Ciao'